disagreement sometimes killing

I have this one stupid "vision" so called which is "when you make mistake, you'll be the one who apologize and when I'm the one who make a mistake, then, i'll be the one who said sorry first" it is clearly stupid which full of egos! somehow, i wanna break it, but somehow, i'm soo gonna see their move first. don't they even realize the mistake that they made? at least , use magical words which is "SORRY" . i don't say sorry first when i know it is absolutely not my mistake. i do have some "disagreement" with people since childhood to secondary schoolmate? i might not remember about childhood but in secondary? hehe. it was funny but i don't know what the actual reason! hahaha and we're not so talking to each other in about a weeks myb? hee. and, she said sorry first. i love her until now. even she got new boyfie without telling me!! gahhh!! yeah, it's kinda disappointed? hm, kindaa. but then, SHE SAID SORRY. haaa, i'm melting again! haha. but, seriously too many sorry is so not good, girl :). Congratulation btw! i'm happy for you. it's an adult love. haha. so, among us, you're the first? wowowoo. hahaha. next step? insyaAllah everyhing gonna be well and hopefully you take that relationship as serious as you gotta write for an essay in finals. lol :P . hey girl, this is for you and your soulmate okay? ;) . 

and now, why do i have this disagreement with this one girl. know what, i'm not sleep early, but i do lying down and switch off the light right after my isya' which is about 9p.m . it is just because i miss to talk to you. i know i'm suppose to sit downstairs and watch stupid drama on tv bc i don't watch TV much. and, everytime you're trying to avoid or forget to called my name, arghh, it's hurt. and hurt so much. we're about to end our dip's and so, we're having this kinda of relationship? are you that sure. oh, yeah, maybe. i'm not that good to people and you. but, whatever it is, i do share with you. you're always be my number one in that house. i', sorry to others but you guys also have your own partner right? and not talking with you, not even heard my name been called by you, not even sit same table to eat and not been invited to eat together is hurt to me. so much hurt. how do i wanna let you know about this? i don't do sweet things because i'm not that type of person. i don't talk slow because i'm always excited to tell you my story and have that dolphin's tones? hm, i'm sorry. i mean, i'm sorry for that tones. it's okay, we're about to apart soon. i'm pretty sure you don't have to worry to not having me because you have him who always can accompanied you :') . i hate to tell this but somehow, when he make mistake, you the one say sorry first? i was like, whatttt? than i realize, yeah, girls be like that to the one she love. but, in our case, why? why dont you even say sorry to me? why?. i do have that bad tempered and i thought you realize it and know me and can read me well. but, i was wrong. when i ask for others opinion, is it truly my fault? and am i the one who is in fault? and, why is she doing this to me. . . and , you know what, there's an answer that make me realize something . . . " mungkin sebab selalunya kalau mekar marah kejap je,lepas tu mekar okay balik, guraugurau " . . . yeah, that's it. can't you even see that i'm always mad and i'm the one make it cool? i'm not that crazy girl who always in mad, there must be something that pissed me off. and i try my best to forgive and forget. its not easy right? but i can do it. and, why don't you?  why can't you do it? just say sorry and kinda explained the real situation. situation that i'm still confused. and yet again, you wanna make me forget this? but it's hurt. i can't find any place to buried this case :'( . i'm sorry, but, tears keep flowing every night. yeah, and that  9.p.m things that i do . . . is . . . this.

when will we meet again? i'm not sure. have you even remembered i tell about this someone that been friend from their foundation until they worked now? and i said they have long friendship and you said "we will" . if only you remember :") . too many things to said but i am sure i can't said in front of you because tears keep coming out to talk to you. and yes, you do talk to me first but somehow i can't stand to see your face because tears flowing down and you're not really comfortable to talk to me too and that is what make me back home that weekends and i do have talk to you. and still, you're not saying any apologize words. i hope, you'll find someone better in your degree. and yeah, i can't compete with your schoolmates because they're always the best in your eyes especially your "ayang" . . can't you smell any jealousy here? yes, that's me. and,  remember, they never sleep and live under one roof with you even for a week. it is different to live one week in one house than sleep one week in camping. totally different. sure, till meet again. oh, if you don't remember, let me remind you that " I love you for the sake of Allah " Thankyou :)